A recent Axios article covered Future Friends, a two-day program coming to Indiana University Bloomington with a Chelsea Cutler concert, a documentary screening, yoga, line dancing, and a phone-free hangout with music and games. The goal is to help students feel less alone by giving them enjoyable ways to spend time together and meet people.
I’m a fan of the idea, and it raises a question:
When there’s a lot your teen or young adult needs to work on, where does having fun with other people fit?
Your answer probably depends on what’s happening at home.
“So they have energy for this?”
Maybe you’ve asked about the same job application three times this week. Their bed is unmade, or there’s homework they keep putting off. Then a friend texts, and suddenly they’re showered, dressed, and explaining their evening plans with impressive attention to detail.
It makes sense to feel frustrated. You want them to have friends, and you also want some effort toward their responsibilities. Waving them out the door can feel like agreeing that everything else can wait.
You can be glad they’re having fun with friends while holding onto existing expectations. Unless something needs resolving before they leave, the conversation about responsibilities can happen separately. Their mention of going out doesn’t have to trigger a review of everything unfinished.
Responsibilities matter. So does having a laugh with a friend on Saturday.
“You don’t know what happened last time.”
For other parents, homework is the least of it. Past outings may have involved drugs, alcohol, unsafe driving, or disappearing without answering calls. If that’s your experience, being asked to trust again can feel like being asked to forget what happened.
You don’t have to forget it. Some plans may be unsuitable right now, especially if they conflict with an existing safety or recovery plan. There can still be room for connection within boundaries that fit their age and circumstances.
If the worry is drinking and driving, ask how they’re getting home. If there’s an agreed check-in time, confirm it. Keep the conversation focused on the practical concern with this particular plan. Bringing up every past mistake or saying “you always do this” can turn a question about tonight into an argument about who they are as a person.
Rebuilding trust may mean smaller steps, clear agreements, and support from their provider where needed. A particular plan can be off the table while other opportunities to spend time with people remain possible. For an adult making their own decisions, your role may be to express a specific concern or set conditions around lending your car.
“I’ve been TRYING to get them to go.”
Some of you would happily drive them to a social event. They’ve lost touch with friends, turn down invitations, or seem generally disinterested, and you’d love to see them excited about something.
It’s understandable to want to fix that. Still, repeated suggestions can become another source of pressure, especially if they already feel embarrassed about being lonely. If they bring it up, listen before offering solutions. “Want help thinking about it, or just want to talk?” gives them some say in the conversation.
Also, their version of socializing might look different from yours. An evening gaming with a friend may be their idea of a good time. The broader screen-time conversation could fill another newsletter, easily. So let me not go there. For this one, consider whether they’re enjoying someone’s company and building a relationship. Connection can count even when it looks different from the social life you pictured for them.
Fun and friendship belong on the map, too
These situations call for different responses, but fun and friendship deserve a place alongside school, work, and the other things that help a life hold together.
Think of being asked to keep driving toward a better future when every stop on the map is another task you’re struggling with. Having somewhere you want to go, and someone you’re looking forward to seeing, can change how the trip feels. Fun can give a difficult week something to look forward to.
The World Health Organization’s 2025 report found that roughly 17–21% of people ages 13–29 reported feeling lonely, with the highest rates among teenagers. It identifies social connection as an important part of mental and physical health.
It’s easy to agree that friendship matters and still put it somewhere after everything else gets sorted. Which can be a longgggg wait. Having someone to laugh with or talk things through with can be part of what makes that stretch more manageable.
A few things to keep in mind this week
💙 Let ordinary plans get an ordinary response.
When there’s no safety issue or practical decision to address, “Have fun” may be enough. You don’t need to ask how the outing fits into their goals. Nobody needs to discover a career path at bowling.
💙 Stick to the agreements you already have.
If there’s an established expectation about the car or getting home, keep it clear and consistent. Resist adding new conditions in the doorway because you suddenly remembered three other things you’re frustrated about.
💙 If one plan doesn’t work, stay curious about another.
If they want help thinking through alternatives, ask what appealed to them about the original idea. Was it seeing a particular friend, hearing live music, or getting out of the house? The answer can help you discuss an alternative that still interests them. A quiet walk might be lovely, but it probably won’t feel like a satisfying substitute for someone who wanted to dance 😅.
💙 Give them room to have a life you hear about afterward.
Where their age and safety allow, let plans happen without your input. Keep necessary agreements, then leave ordinary details to them. You can be glad they enjoyed themselves without getting the full play-by-play.
Leave room for the good stuff
Making room for fun and connection can be as simple as welcoming a reasonable plan without turning it into a bigger conversation. You can stay available while letting their social life belong to them.
There may still be an unfinished application on Monday. An enjoyable afternoon doesn’t settle every concern, and it doesn’t need to. They’re allowed to have people to laugh with and plans to look forward to while the rest is still being figured out 💙.
💙Announcements💙
We have exciting news!
Starting Monday, September 21, there’s a free weekly support group for parents that we built with Other Parents Like Me.
It’s called Launching Young Adults, and it meets every Monday at 6pm PT / 9pm ET on Zoom.
OPLM is an online community where parents of teens and young adults support each other through the hardest stretches of raising them.
Their Peer Parents facilitate the group and our coaches won’t be in the room, so you’ll spend the hour with other parents who are going through the same thing, talking honestly about how it’s actually going at home.
Any parent can join and it’s free.
Registration takes about two minutes, so sign up now to save your spot.